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Mountain Lodge is doing unexpectedly well and I’m wandering around my house looking worried because I feel a staggering amount of obligation for Mountain Lodge. I’m like Kanye West, I have woken up and I am responsible for this water bottle, people are driving to Yankee Candle, pushing their noses in these tiny jars with Expectation, I am responsible for these Mountain Lodges.
If for any reason you feel that huffing a shrink-wrapped candle tart in the mall does not replicate the experience of slowly coming awake to a creak in the mattress, your Mountain Lodge of choice is back from chopping wood in the cold and is shifting you into his arms, you are pressing your nose in his strong bare shoulder and falling asleep to the crackle of the fireplace, the lazy sawing of crickets, please feel free to mail your Yankee Candle Mountain Lodge tumbler candles (used or unused) directly to me, Tumblr user clarabeau, and accept my apologies.
But if you are in fact enjoying your purchase, I have developed a series of variant labels to pitch to Yankee Candle for promotional purposes because this isn’t cutting the mustard. Please feel free to print these Mountain Lodge labels for your personal use or to add your own Mountain Lodge labels to this post, thank you.
Ladies, I am holding out my hand. Do you trust me?
I need you to open Google Maps. Locate your nearest mall. Get in your car. Drive to Yankee Candle.
Past the seasonal pumpkin display, near the back of the store, you will find a trash pile Man Candle section. You will see candles called MMM, Bacon!. Riding Mower. Man Town. (I’m not kidding. Man Town.) Stay strong. Not in this section, but likely very near this section, you will find a candle called Mountain Lodge.
Hold this jar in your hands like a talisman. Close your eyes and picture a man.
I want to be clear: I’m not talking about a Hugh Dancy. Or an Andrew Garfield, a Ben Whishaw, even a Tom Hiddleston. This exercise requires someone in the Chris Evans weight class. The Richard Armitage department. Someone with smile lines around his eyes who could chop the cedar for your bower with his own hands, strangle an alpha wolf, carry you home when you sprain your ankle in the woods, bench press your entire body. Picture this man in your mountain home with a full beard, a slightly grimy white henley, a fond half smile he reserves only for you. Now open the lid and smell Mountain Lodge.
Steady yourself on the man candle display. Give yourself a second. No, you’re not wrong. Yes, the Yankee Candle Company has just eliminated the need for men. This medium tumbler Mountain Lodge candle jar is now your boyfriend. The Yankee Candle Company has effectively replaced the need for contact with the male half of our species with a compact and clean-burning candle in a jar.
"Do you like this one?" the cashier asked, ringing me up. "Every man should be required by law to smell like what this candle smells like," I replied intensely. "That’ll be $12.01," she said.
okay but imagine at Fred’s funeral George and Mrs. Weasley are standing together by his coffin
and George is trying so hard not to cry
and in a last-ditch attempt to cope with it in the only way he knows how, using humor, he turns to Mrs. Weasley and says, “you’ll be able to tell us apart now, anyway, Mum”
and then he just breaks down sobbing
NOPING RIGHT ON OUTTA THIS POST